Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize