Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
