If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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