Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

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(516): View more from New York

he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"

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(614): View more from Ohio

He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.

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(406): View more from Montana

We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.

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