I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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