I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sobbing to NWA
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
