i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
