Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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