You smell like stripper and shame
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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