Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
