It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
