Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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