I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
