Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
