There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
