Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize