I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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