No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
