He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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