just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
