Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
