I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize