all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
