The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
