one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
