I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
