His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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