i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
