Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
