Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love you. Go after that dick
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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