so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
