i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
