I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
