I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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