Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
