yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
