Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
People in love make me want to vomit
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
