my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
