Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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