Already got asked if we're dating
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
