I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
