hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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