are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
