Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
