Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
