On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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