Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize