the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
