Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
