the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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