Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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