So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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