I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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