Four minutes until I can fart!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
