I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
