I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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