I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
