I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
