Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize