I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
