What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
