apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
