FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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