shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You ate ashes out of my bong
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
