Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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