I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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