if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My vagina is officially offended.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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