I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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