Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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