Cold hands, warm shart.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
