I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
