I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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