I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
