how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
