i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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