I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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