I think I died a long time ago.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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