if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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